A common blog post I see is “What’s in my bag?” It’s exactly what it sounds like – people dump out their bag or purse, take a photo with all the contents arranged all pretty and give you a rundown of what you see, often highlighting items they particularly like.
Well, I’ve seen enough of these posts by now to be able to call bullshit. Oh, you only keep adorable, perfect-looking beauty products in there? And a little brand new-looking gold journal with a really chic floral pattern pen sans any smudges or scratches? And a pair of Audrey Hepburn Ray Bans not in a case, but somehow magically unscathed?
If you’re anything like me, you just cannot see yourself in the contents of these perfect purses. It’s just not an accurate representation of my mad hatter scatterbrained self. Where are all the grimy pieces of paper where the original message written in pencil has all but worn off? Where are all of the little bits of debris that collect among the bottom-dwelling loose coins?
During my rueful postulation I thought to myself, ‘The world needs an honest blog post about what’s really in a person’s bag.’ No more hiding behind a sheen of organization and prim pruning that is just not there. We live in an age where one should be proud of that 2-month-old piece of gum wrapped up hastily in an old business card, collecting dirt in the corner of one’s bag, right?! Embrace the clutter! Appreciate the chaos that makes up everyday life!
So here it is friends – a 100% unedited, unabashed version of “What’s in my bag?”, brought to you by yours truly.
Uhhhhh… yikes. Yup, shit just got real. That’s all my stuff! How do I carry that much stuff around anyway? That must be the reason my shoulder feels near-dislocated most of the time. Allow me to take you on a fascinating tour of the cataclysmic explosion that comprises my purse contents.
1. Headphones – you gotta have headphones, amiright? In less honest representations, these might be shown wrapped up in a nice, neat loop, without any frustrating kinks. In reality, don’t we just shove ’em on in there? Also, that’s what she said.
2. Three hair ties, five lipsticks/chapsticks, and four bobby pins – Because there is an unexplained universal growth property to these items, and they amass over time whether you want them to or not. Even Einstein couldn’t figure out why.
3. Smart key for my Prius with a California-shaped keychain – Because I really am that obsessed with California.
4. Three crumbled up receipts – Souplantation, Starbucks, and Barnes & Noble. So basic.
5. $40 in bar credits for the 710 Beach Club in Pacific Beach – From a kickass game of trivia my friends and I won EIGHT MONTHS AGO. I just really don’t want to lose them. That’s free beer, people.
6. Two of those free Starbucks download card things – I always take them. Have never once downloaded anything.
7. A million cards – We’ve got a Disneyland pass, a San Diego Zoo pass, four insurance cards (I have no idea which one is current), TWO empty gift cards (why do I keep them?), a rebate from Bed, Bath & Beyond… seriously, the card situation is out of control. Even I’ll admit that.
8. Scan card for Core Power Yoga – From a free trial. I never intend to go back.
9. Matches from The Dean Hotel in Providence, RI – I was there almost a YEAR ago.
10. A voucher for a facial – Christmas gift from Mom, thanks Mom! I promise I’ll use it before it expires… hopefully…
11. The little plastic thing that opens the back of my FitBit – Gotta have that handy.
12. An empty chocolate wrapper – Because chocolate.
13. A collectible smashed coin, a ring from Europe, and two buttons – Because why not?
14. $40 cash and $9.96 in coins – NINE NINETY SIX IN COINS? At least I’ll never be up the creek at a parking meter!
15. And finally, a whole bunch of dirt and nail polish flecks in my signature color – Because dirt happens, and I LIKE IT THAT WAY.
There you go. Are you grossed out? Do you think I’m a slob? That’s just fine, but you’re kidding yourself if you think your purse or bag doesn’t almost always look exactly like this. Embrace the mess friends! Once we stop trying to create a perfect social media version of ourselves, we’ll be a lot more free to just be us 🙂